Bev

We're on a roll. It's been another good day. Bev took a morning nap and we
headed to the doctor. Her red and white blood counts were low so they gave
her shots to increase them and did not give her a chemo treatment. The
doctor said she is improving and when she can take in more food orally and
not continue to vomit he will take her off the hyperol. That would be great
for Bev. She would have so much more independence and not have to drag
around the pump and all. She would be able to shower without having to
worry about keeping her pic line dry, etc. Her morning and evening medical
routine would be much simpler. Please pray that this would be able to
happen soon.

Bev rested most of the afternoon and then we had a pizza party and popcorn
and movie night. We feel almost selfish because we have been here enjoying
Bev's good days with her. We wish her extended family could be here.

The boys and the dogs keep us regularly entertained. After watching how
much the boys tease the dogs, I'm beginning to think their barfing in the
car was revenge. For example, tonight the dogs sat beside the table
longingly looking for pizza crumbs or handouts – and what do the boys do but
take pieces of ice and pour salt and pepper all over them and give them to
the dogs.

I'm sure you have all seen the commercial that says, "Gotta have a
KLONDIKE!" Klondike ice cream bars are great. The other night we were
having them as a bedtime snack. To open them you have to peal off a big
sticker from the wrapping. Guess where the stickers then go... you got it.
Husker becomes a walking billboard with Klondike stickers all over him.

Every night Robert comes to get Husker and drags him into his bed to sleep
with him. I guess one night Husker had had enough and "wet the bed".

The boys are awesome. It is so great to see how much they love Bev and are
very considerate of her. Tim's sense of humor and teasing of the boys is
also fun to be around. I am very amazed and impressed with how well the
whole family adjusts to having guests invade their home and privacy.

Bev and I talked today about their moving to Alaska and then having all of
this take place. Our church family back home has often said how they wish
they were still back in Aberdeen. Bev and I talked about the sovereign will
of God and He knows the reason why they are way up in Alaska at this time.
Bev was not working full time up here and has had the chance to spend more
time with the boys and Tim. The other day a friend called and they talked a
long time. Afterwards Bev shared that it was a lady from their church here
that found out through a routine asthma check up that she has a rare form
of pituitary cancer. She's survived a risky operation but now they are not
even sure how to treat her. Bev definitely understands and can empathize
with this sister in the Lord, but she would have never met here without
moving to Alaska.

I can't help but think of the witness that Tim and Bev are having on the
medical personnel here in Fairbanks. I also think it is so awesome to see
the outpouring of love and giving that Christians from all over are
bestowing on their family. "They will know we are Christians by our love."
So many times that hasn't been the case, but it certainly is in this
situation.

Bev and Tim are encouraging us to drive to Denali Park tomorrow and try and
get a glimpse of Mt. McKinley.

The septic tank line was frozen so they thawed it out and we'll all take
showers tomorrow! That will make it much more pleasant experience if we end
up riding 4 to 5 hours together in a vehicle tomorrow!! Just kidding...

Tonight is clear so we might be able to see the Northern Lights. Tim found
moose droppings in the back yard last night. Bev said that their were bear
droppings in the yard when they moved in. I'd rather see the Northern
Lights than either one of those creatures up close at night (or even in the
day!)

I'm reading a book by Dutch Sheets entitled "Intercessory Prayer." The very
first story in the book grabbed me as I thought of Bev's situation. In the
first chapter Dutch talks about "A lack of endurance is one of the greatest
causes of defeat, especially in prayer. We don't wait well. We're into
microwaving; God, on the other hand, is usually into marinating."

"Stubbornness, however, can be channeled into a righteous force called
persistence or endurance. I've found it to be one of the most important
spiritual attributes of the Christian life. Charles Spurgeon said, "By
perseverance the snail reached the ark."

30 Apr 04 ~ Friday ~ Kelly
I called Bev last night and she sounded pretty good. She wasn't totally exhausted
even after having gone to the North Pole. She slept in the afternoon, but she was
awake in the evening and she was the one who answered the phone. Robert
didn't go to the jazz concert, so he was home along with Bev and the volunteer.
She wasn't nauseated. Her concern was that her bag had been empty all day.
She is enjoying having Beth and Kerry there. They leave Monday and Tim's Dad
arrives on Mon.

30 Apr 04 ~ Friday ~ Beth
Friends,
Yesterday was a very good day for Bev. Tim, Kerry and I topped it off by
attending Jonathon's music concert. It was excellent! Kerry and I love
music and were both in band and we were very impressed with the difficult
pieces and how well they were performed.

We returned home to find Bev and her hospice "babysitter" enjoying getting
to know one another. Tim put Bev to bed and Kerry and I were going to go
for a walk (at 9:30 pm here it is still very light out). Kerry went to use
the rest room and YIPPEE the septic tank is blocked again and so we had fun
in the basement bathroom as water kept gushing all over. Tim called a
friend from church and the guys tried to work on it, but Tim is calling the
septic tank cleaners as soon as he gets to the office today. Tim picked up
a port a potty for us gals and the guys get to enjoy the great outdoors.
Now I can tell everyone that I've been camping in Alaska as well!!! I'm sure
I read in the Vacation guide on Alaska that anytime you have to use a
port-a-potty it qualifies as a camping experience. Of course my husband
thinks it's funny because I couldn't figure out how to flush the thing.
At 5 this am I went to get a drink in the bathroom and didn't realize that
water had seeped in from the walls and floor when the stool had run over. I
just about biffed it. I heard my husband laughing – He's cruising for a
bruiser.

There'll be no showers this morning, but Robert will be glad because that
means he gets to sleep in a little longer.

Also this morning Jonathon couldn't get his car started. Kerry went out to
use jumper cables and jump start the car but noticed it wasn't in park.
Once he shifted it into the proper position it started right up. Kind of
like plugging the electric can opener into the power source – it works much
better that way!

Of course the reason Jonathon probably didn't have the car in park was
because of the dogs. I've been very impressed with how even the dogs in
this family have Christ like tendencies. On Wednesday Jonathon went to pick
up Robert from school and he let Savanna (12 year old Golden Retriever) ride
along. On the way home Savanna barfed all over the car. Jonathon cleaned
it up but vowed Savanna was NEVER going to ride in his car again. On
Thursday Jonathon went to pick up Robert again, and only invited Husker (4
year old golden retriever/lab) to ride along. I noticed Robert running out
to the car with towels after they got home. Husker had vomited twice in the
car!! I'm sure that in the clean up of the mess the car shifter accidently
got bumped so it wasn't in park when it came time to start it. I just
couldn't help but think the dogs were actually "Bearing one another's
burdens" and since Bev had 3 days of no throwing up, they took it upon
themselves to do that for her.

Bev's roommate from college called yesterday and offered to come help (I
believe she is from Texas). When I told Tim he was overwhelmed with the
fact that so many people are concerned and want to help. Keep up those
prayers, card and offers of help. I truly believe God ministers through his
people.

This morning Bev did throw up a little bit. She heads to the doctor's today
for her chemo. My prayer requests today for the family would be:
1. That Bev would not get sick from the chemo
2. That she would continue to be able to eat and not experience the nausea
3. She has cut down a lot on her pain and nausea meds – pray that she won't
need to increase them
4. That the septic tank would truly get fixed this time. It's nice not to
have extra things to be concerned about.

Have a good day. We plan to, despite what the doctors might say, we have
the joy of the Lord.

Hello, everyone! We are experiencing a great day in Alaska. Not only is
the sun shining and it's beautiful outside, but Bev is having another good
day. After breakfast, shower and all the morning routine of meds, etc, Bev
suggested that we go to the North Pole and visit the Santa Claus house. We
enjoyed the ride there and back and Bev rested in the van while Kerry and I
took a tour of the cute little tourist shop. It's not everyday that you
visit the North Pole and have to wear sun glasses and no jacket!

We returned home to have lunch and a nice visit from one of the pastors
from Bev's church. She is amazing us with her ability to stay up longer and
longer each day. She made it through yesterday without vomiting!! Hey, 2
days in a row is a reason to celebrate around here. Today she seems to be
doing exceptionally well. Her voice is strong and she is in good spirits.
She admits she is a little leary about getting too excited about the good
days as she has had this happen before only to take a turn for the worse and
go through a roller coaster ride of emotions. We can certainly understand
why.

Yesterday the boys went into Fairbanks for the "exciting" opening of the
town's first Wal Mart. Tonight a hospice volunteer will come and stay with
Bev and the rest of us will go to Jonathan's jazz band concert. Up here
they require that the guys wear tuxedos to all their concerts. Jonathan
refers to it as "monkey suit." They'll video tape the concert so Bev can
watch it at home.

29 Apr 04 ~ Thursday ~ Margaret
We had a really nice surprise last night about 8:15 when the phone rang
and it was Bev calling. She reported a very good day, some nausea but
no vomiting, energy enough to go for a ride in the car so Beth and Kerry
could see the reindeer and so on. What pleased me most was the sound
of her voice – more like the Bev of several months ago than it has been
for quite a while. Margaret

Back in San Diego, and catching up on 11 days of updates ~ Steve

28 Apr 04 ~ Wednesday ~ Beth
Dear Friends,

My emails won't be as informational as Sharon and Elaine's or as factual as
Tim's but I will do my best to keep you up to date as to Bev and life at the
Barnett home.

My name is Beth and my husband and I arrived Monday night to stay for a week
and help Bev. The Barnett's were in our church in Aberdeen and became good
friends. We arrived before Sharon had to leave on a later flight and I felt
like I was at the Olympics and Sharon was handing off the Olympic Torch to
us to keep it going. It truly is an honor to be here with Bev and Tim and
the boys and experience first hand their peace and their remarkable Christ
like character.

We arrived after 18 hours of travel (our daughters work for the airlines so
we get good deals, but we have to fly stand by). Of course the Barnett's
main concern was us and how we were doing. So they offered us something to
eat and as we sat at the table we enjoyed Robert's story of how his aunt
Sharon was jinxed!!! A couple days before she was to leave the septic tank
filled up and they couldn't use any water or shower. (Did I mention that we
smelled Tim before we saw him at the airport – HA! Just kidding) Then on
Monday Sharon was in a fender bender (not her fault), but as she sat in the
rocking chair talking to the insurance company – the rocking chair
collapsed!! It was great to hear Robert giggle as he fondly told us all
these stories about Sharon.

The day we arrived Bev had walked out to the mailbox and back. She was in
great spirits and it was amazing to us. She looked good and Sharon informed
us it was like night and day difference in Bev from just 10 or 12 days ago.

Our first day went well. I finally confiscated the phone from Bev late
morning because so many loving friends and family were calling and I was
worried she'd over do it. She had a good morning nap and the Home Health
nurse stopped in and made a suggestion to help with the nausea and vomiting.
She suggested eating less more often (she referred to it as "grazing"). Bev
tried it and for the first time I believe since her surgery she did not
throw up yesterday.

We enjoyed supper all together at the table and then watched a DVD that our
youth group had made for Easter and had former friends from Aberdeen in it.
Then Robert and Jonathon showed us a DVD Movie they had made for their mom
while she was is the hospital. It was hilarious. Wonderful black mail
material for when the boy's are older and begin to date...

Bev is continuing to amaze us. She was up this morning and made her own
breakfast. I volunteered, but also realize that sometimes I might hover too
much and Bev needs to feel that she is still capable to do things. She has
a daily routine that we went through this morning with getting ready and
taking all her meds, etc. Then I trimmed her hair for her and we had a time
of devotions, prayer and visiting.

We find Alaska to be similar to the Black Hills of South Dakota. Tim and
Bev live outside of town and their home is surrounded by 60 foot Evergreens
and Birch tress on three sides of their home. It is very peaceful and the
farm girl in me just loves it! They live just a little ways from the
Muskoxen Research Center so Kerry and I walked down and view them last night
and read all the interesting facts about them. Then we discovered a
hiking/skiing trail close by and walked for a while on that. The weather
has been very nice. No wind here like in SD. This morning it snowed huge
big flakes for a while. Really pretty.

Bev wants to go for a short ride today. We are willing to do whatever as
long as she has the energy. Bev's sister Elaine has put together some
scrapbooks of pictures and writings of Bev's for the boys. She did a
beautiful job and it was such an inspiration to me to read Bev's writings
about her cancer journey.

Tim and Bev are worried we will get bored and are concerned with us getting
out and seeing and doing things. We are truly just enjoying the slowed down
pace and being able to be with them. Robert and Jon are great. They are
already beginning to treat me like my own kids and teasing me. Yesterday I
made chocolate chip cookies but I used all margarine and the cookie dough
all flowed together into one big cookie on the first batch. Of course, they
loved having to eat my "mistake". Then I couldn't get the electric can
opener to work on a can I was trying to open so I asked Jon to come and help
me. It's amazing what happens when you plug the can opener into the power
source. It actually works!!

Thank you all for your prayers, cards and calls. We brought a bunch of
cards from out congregation in Aberdeen and are giving Bev so many each day.
Bev truly is encouraged by them and very thankful for each of you having
taken the time to write.

28 Apr 04 ~ Wednesday ~ Elaine
It's good to be back in San Diego and into our routines, but it was
very sad to leave the Barnetts! It helps a lot that Bev has improved
so much, including the latest news that she managed to go without
throwing up for a whole day! So we've seen all the following symptoms
diminish: fevers, blood clots, blood sugar variations, pain (the later
thanks to the medicine), and now, perhaps, some nausea. I really
appreciated the opportunity to be there, and am very glad that everyone
in the family has been able to go. Becky is available to go up for the
summer after school is out June 11th, and I think it will be a great
experience for her. Elaine

27 Apr 04 ~ Tuesday ~ Tim
Sharon, Elaine and Kelly have headed home. I am left to write these emails,
and I know they will not be as informative as what they wrote. But I will
try to keep you up to date.

Bev is doing okay today. She does not have as much energy, but she has not
struggled with the vomiting either. W have noticed more uncontrolled
movement with her limbs, and are not sure what that is from.

Bev's family have all been here to help and we have been blessed to spend
time with them. It has been an encouragement to Bev, myself, and the boys.
They were very helpful to all of us in so many ways. We miss not having them
here. Our pastor and his wife from Aberdeen came to help us for a few days
and it is great to spend time with them, they are very encouraging and
supportive. My family will come in May, my dad, then my mom. Elaine's
daughter, Becky who is a college junior has agreed to come and spend the
summer helping, and so we feel well taken care of in our need for 24 hour
coverage. We hope by that time Bev will be much stronger, to the same time
we also know the reality of cancer. God has answered our prayers in many
ways. First with Bev's health, with help from some many people, encouraging
words in emails, phone calls and letters and most of all through prayers.

27 Apr 04 ~ Tuesday ~ Kelly
I talked to Tim earlier tonight. He said Bev hadn't thrown up yet today,
but had been nauseous. He said she has slept more than usual today,
but he thinks that is because she pushed herself yesterday since it was
Sharon's last day in Alaska. He said the pain continues to be under control.

Beth and Kerry had gone to the Musk Ox Farm. It doesn't get dark until midnight now!

27 Apr 04 ~ Tuesday ~ Kelly
Dear family,

I talked to Sharon last night. Bev was sleeping, so I didn't talk to her.
Sharon says that things have improved from the day she arrived until the
day she was leaving. Bev's pain is increasing, but the pain patch seems
to keep the pain under control. Yesterday she saw Nancy (the Advanced
Nurse Practitioner at the oncologists office) and she prescribed a higher
dose of pain patch. They didn't do much at the office – ie, no blood work, etc.
It sounds like Bev's idea to decrease the TPN to 1 liter a day has been a
good idea. Bev gained 1 pound, she is able to eat more, her sugars haven't
gone much above 200 (versus the over 500 while she was on 2 liters.)
I think her sugar levels being so out of control were a big part of what was
making her feel so terrible. Sharon says she is twitching less while she is
sleeping. (She was twitching more and more each day while I was there.)
Her sleep is also a more "normal" sleep; more of a groggy, drug induced
sleep than a stupor like it was. Yesterday she walked to the mailbox and
then to the edge of the cemetary!!!!

Poor Sharon went out with a bang. She was hit while driving the blue car
yesterday. She was thankful noone was hurt, than she was driving Barnett's
car rather than the van someone loaned them, the lady took full responsiblity.
Sharon had a headache last night and said to pray it wasn't from the accident.
Then, she was sitting on the rocking chair and it broke and she crashed to the ground!

Beth and Kerry (the pastor and his wife from Aberdeen) were supposed to
arrive at 5pm, but since they were flying standby, they hadn't arrived yet.
They called from Seattle to say they were bumped from that flight, got a later
flight to Anchorage, then would see what they could get out of Anchorage.
They will stay a week, then Tim's Dad will come, then his Mom will come.
Becky is going on 6/11 after school is out!

Bev has an appointment on Friday to try to get chemo.

Love, Kelly

26 Apr 04 ~ Monday ~ Sharon
Well, this weekend held some excitement – but thankfully not because of Bev!
The septic tank backed up :)
Since we were waiting for the septic guy to come and couldn't take showers,
we skipped church.
Bev felt like taking a drive! We drove up to Murphy's Dome and turned
around and came straight back. She slept hard when we got home, but she
enjoyed the outing and doesn't seem too worse for the wear.
I am amazed and praising God for what He is doing for Bev. I came up 3
weeks ago thinking it was the end. Her pain seems to be increasing, but the
pain patches are keeping it under control. She is able to eat more and keep
most of it down, so going to half the hyperal seems to be working.
Thank you so much for praying for Bev and all of us.
Tim says you won't get as frequent updates when I leave, but do know that
they love all of you and appreciate you.
Love, Sharon

23 Apr 04 ~ Friday ~ Elaine
Thank you so much for all of the love expressed in your emails. Bev is
amazed by how many friends she has who care enough to pray for her. And
even more amazed by how many of you who have never met her care enough to
pray for her.

Today, bleeding was back so we went in to the Dr.'s office and they gave her
the same antibiotics they used in the hospital last week. This time an
infections cultured in the urine. The home health nurse will help us give
the IV antibiotics at home this weekend.

This time, I thought I would include the picture of the quilt square Bev was
asked to make for the National Cancer Institute and her paragraph explaining
it.
Bev quilt

[Bev] "My experience with cancer has been a challenging, stretching journey. I
climbed the first mountain of a mastectomy, chemo and later radiation in
1991 after discovering a lump under my arm while nursing my second child. I
enjoyed a green valley of health for 4 1/2 years then struggled up a more
difficult mountain in 1996 after a recurrence treated by a stem cell
transplant. There were dark storm clouds over each mountain (coming to
terms with disfigurement, loss of my hair, facing my mortality), and the
clouds became black during the complications I experienced following my
transplant (severe infection, physical pain and weakness, a temporary
colostomy) But the clouds have silver linings – I have become stronger from
the challenges of my journey and have grown as a person. My faith in God
has been tested and deepened. I am clearer about who I am and what is and
what is not important to me. I am more open with giving and receiving love.
I live more in the present, aware most days of the gift today is.
Throughout my experience I have felt surrounded and supported by so much
love from family, friends and my medical team, represented by the heart
border. Sometimes I walk in the shadows of my cancer experience (fears of
recurrence, anxiety about the future), but gradually the shadows are being
washed away by the sunshine, my hopes for a bright future. The dove above
my pathway symbolizes God¹s presence with me each step of the way which has
given me strength and peace, and a growing confidence that I'll be OK no
matter what the future holds." [Bev]

In her book "Treasures of Your Mother's Heart" which she has written for the
boys, Bev includes some more explanation:

I made an extra quilt piece to frame and keep at home with my
paragraph attached to the back because it ended up holding so much meaning
for me. I remember someone encouraging me to make some kind of memorial
that could remind me of the incredible ways God worked in my life during my
experiences with cancer, just as Joshua was commanded to do after crossing
the Jordan River. The priests had obeyed God's instructions and by faith
stepped into the flowing river with the ark‹only then did the river stop
flowing and the Israelites crossed the river on dry land. Following God's
instructions, Joshua appointed a man from each of the twelve tribes of
Israel, saying, "Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle
of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according
to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you.
In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell
them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the Covenant
of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut
off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."
(Joshua 4:5-7)
So now I have my memorial. I'm glad I can be reminded of the
incredible ways God has worked in my life. My hope is that in the future
your children will ask, "What does this picture mean?" and you can teach
them about God's faithfulness and mercy as you tell them about my journey
with cancer. [Bev]

22 Apr 04 ~ Thursday ~ ?unsigned?
For the day after chemo, this day has gone remarkably well. The usual side
effects – but not as severe as last week. The Dr. reluctantly agreed to let
Bev cut her Hyperal in half. If she doesn't loose too much weight by Monday
he'll let her continue, otherwise he will bump it back up to full dose.

We received an email with a young woman's testimony. We asked her if we
could share it with you:

[?] You may not recognize my name or email address... I was one of Bev's first
clients when you moved to Aberdeen. I just wanted to write you and let you
know what kind of impact that Bev had on my life. Based on her line of work
and the confidentiality that surrounds it, you may not be fully aware of how
God has used her as an instrument to help hurting people like me, so I
wanted to send you this tesimony of how Bev got me not only back on my feet,
but also helped me to learn to walk with the Lord.

In the fall of 1998. when I was a sophomore in highschool, my 13 year old
brother was killed as the result of a gun accident. My classmate/neighbor
was the boy holding the gun, which made my years in high school very
challenging. I actually dealt with the loss very well during the first few
months, but in the summer of 1999, the reality of what occurred began to
settle in and depression came along with it. My parents realized the
problem, and we went to LSS. That's how I first met Bev. During our first
few sessions, I said very little to her. She would ask me things and I
would blankly stare at her. It was what I was doing to everyone at that
time, but the difference between Bev and everyone else was that everyone
else became frustrated with me, while Bev remained caring and patient. I
noticed something special about Bev – her faith. She talked about God more
than most people I knew. I grew up going to church everyweek, but it was
more of a societal norm thing than a faith thing in my family. I knew it
was different for Bev. It was during that time that Bev shared with me
about her friend who had lost a daughter to cancer saying that God remains
good even during difficult times. I remember that everyday. One thing that
I remember about my sessions with Bev is that she had so much hope for me –
she made me realize that I did have potential for the future. Within a few
months, things were better, and I finished high school successfully and free
of depression.

Challenges again surfaced when I began school at NSU in the fall of 2001 –
for some reason, the stress and newness of college was unbearable for me.
Again, I found myself in Bev's office. This time, I felt like a failure and
was very resilient about going through counseling. But again, Bev was
patient. She worked with me and helped me realize that I was not the
failure that I thought I was. She offered me support when I made the
difficult decision to withdraw from school midway through the semester and
helped me make plans to go to UND. I can't explain in words what she did
for me at that time. She offered me so much hope, comfort and guidance. I
often walked away acting unappreciative, but what she did meant the world to
me. She shared more about her faith with me during this period, and for the
first time in my life, I actually opened my Bible outside of Sunday School
(I honestly thought that only pastors did that). She had really planted a
seed of faith in my life, and when I went to UND, that seed began to grow.

I started school at UND in January of 2002. Moving into the dorms, I saw a
sign for a Bible study. I was soooo excited – I had never been to a Bible
study before:) The Bible Study was in room 404 – I was in room 406:) Right
away, I started going. My RA, Sarah, invited me to Campus Crusade with her
and I LOVED it from the start. A couple weeks later, her and I were alone
and we got started on a faith conversation. She began to share the Gospel
with me, and I asked Jesus into my heart. I was very open to the Bible
Study, Crusade, and the conversation with Sarah because of what Bev had
first shared with me. It has been an AMAZING 2 years since:)

Last summer, God blessed me with a chance to work as a counselor at camp.
This year, I am coordinating a Wed. night youth group for 40 kids from
1st-6th grade. I've also had the chance to give the message at my home
church several times when we were without a pastor. God has just revealed
himself to me in AWESOME ways :) I'm so thankful for the role that Bev
played in that – I don't know where I would be if it wouldn't have been for
her. When she went to work everyday, she did not just over her clients
mental health guidance; she also offered them spiritual guidance. I'm sooo
thankful for that. Please tell Bev how much I appreciate her.

21 Apr 04 ~ Wednesday ~ Sharon
Dr. Carroll was being very cautious and trying to remind us that Bev is in a
very fragile place. However, he can't deny that the tumor marker numbers
were down 50%! He understands better than we do what that means. He was
not elated. He says that just means the tumors aren't producing as much
protein. We will take any good news we can get! At a minimum this should
help some with the nausea – other than the day after chemo which will be
worse, so please pray for Bev's stamina tomorrow.

This time I'm including a poem that our oldest sister, Elaine, wrote for
Bev, yesterday. She uses references to C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia
and to sights of Alaska. Sharon

You fight, in hope a bold last battle here
Will take you through the door to mountain places,
But I hope a miracle again
Will keep us celebrating many graces.
It is right to struggle in the snow
And ice as break-up into life
Gives the sign that winter's power here
Cannot hold. Perhaps this bitter strife
Will end in triumph, marching all as one
Into that open door. The King,
Will lead us all beyond the highest mount,
To green up, leaf out, and wildflower spring.
Standing quietly by the door with you,
I find myself glancing gladly through.

20 Apr 04 ~ Tuesday ~ Sharon
Bev just got a call from Dr. Carroll's office saying her tumor markers are
down! We knew from the beginning that the chance of chemo working at all
was slim and that it would take this long before we would know if it was
worth it. Wow! They are not expecting this chemo to cure her, but to hold
the progression of the cancer back and buy more time. We'll take all we can
get!
Now, I hesitate to be too enthusiastic because when I emailed, yesterday,
that we were having a better day, it quickly deteriorated into throwing up
and even a fever. So don't stop praying just because there is some positive
news :)

In Aberdeen, South Dakota, Bev was one of the people asked to share the at
their Thanksgiving service:

My letter is "v" so I thought I'd talk about having the kind of
vision in our valleys that can give us victory. All of us will walk through
valleys at some time in our lives and I know some of you are walking through
difficult valleys right now.

If our vision is focused only on our circumstances we will be
discouraged and defeated. But we can have victory vision when we see with
eyes of faith. As Hebrews 11:1 says, we "can be sure of what we hope for and
certain of what we do not see." Paul put it this way in II Corinthians
4:16-18, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are decaying,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary
afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them
all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what
is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." An eternal
perspective is essential to having victory in our valleys.

With eyes of faith we can see God at work in our circumstances.
We can be confident that God has a good purpose in allowing us to walk
through the valley. Romans 8:28 reminds us of this truth. "And we know
that all things work together for good to them that love God who are called
according to his purpose."

Peter teaches us that one of the good tings God accomplishes in
our valleys is the strengthening of our faith. In I Peter Chapter 1 we
read, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may
have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that
your faith – of greater worth than gold which perishes even though refined by
fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when
Jesus Christ is revealed." And the strengthening of our faith is no small
thing. As Ruth Myers says, "Faith brings victory that changes our
circumstances‹or victory in the midst of circumstances that don¹t change."

We can be set free from our fears when we see with eyes of faith
that God is with us in our valleys. God speaks to us through Isaiah and
says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your
God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand." We are completely secure in God¹s presence and
nothing, absolutely nothing, can separate us from His love.

And finally, eyes of faith make us confident that no matter what
our circumstances may be, we will have victory. That victory may come here
on earth or it may come in that ultimate victory when our death becomes our
birth into eternal life. As I Corinthians 15 says, "When the perishable has
been clothed with the imperishable and the moral with immortality, then the
saying that is written will come true, 'Death has been swallowed up in
victory.' Where O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting? The
sting of death is sin and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to
God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
I hope these scriptures encourage you as they have me, to have
the kind of vision in your valleys that will give you victory.

19 Apr 04 ~ Monday ~ Kelly
I was thankful to hear that Bev had a "pretty good day". That sounds
like a huge improvement over some of the days she has had lately!
It is nice that Jonathan was able to spend the day with her. I am glad
he got home safely and had a good time. I would love to hear more about his trip.

19 Apr 04 ~ Monday ~ Elaine
While we were enjoying the conversation and the view on Murphy's Dome,
we learned about an African tradition called "Friendship Tea". They brought a
little stove with 10 pieces of charcoal on it. A tiny little teapot and
glass cups about 3 inches tall. They boiled the tea leaves, sugar and water
in the pot until the tea was strong. There are three cups. The first one
is bitter with some sugar in it. You talk while the next pot boils. The
second cup is less bitter and more sweet. Then more conversation while the
last pot boils. It is not bitter and is very sweet. Just like friendship!
It gets sweeter and less bitter as you spend time together talking. The
hilarious and ironic thing about it was that the favored brand of tea is
named "Saddam".

Jonathan got home from his 5-day Marine Biology trip to Homer, last night.
I went with Tim and half of Fairbanks to the airport to pick him up at
midnight. There was a hockey team, musicians and the biology class on the
plane. We had a church reunion waiting for the plane to come in. One mom
was coming home from, another dad was returning and another mom was leaving
on the next flight. Jonathan seemed to enjoy his time, but stayed home from
school, today, to spend time with his mom. Thankfully, she is having a
pretty good day.

19 Apr 04 ~ Monday ~ Sharon | Bev
Bev has had a very good day compared to the last two. Not quite as good as
Wed. but we'll take all we can get like this! Whatever brand new antibiotic
they gave her in the hospital seems to have knocked out the high fevers! It
would seem that the chemo was to blame for the severe nausea the last two
days. Now we're back to what is most likely the cancer causing nausea. She
even tried to crochet the edge around a baby blanket she was working on for
her grandchildren!

Elaine and I got some good breaks this weekend. Yesterday, Dave and Connie
and their girls picked us up and took us 4 wheeling! We went to Murphy's
Dome. We would call it a mountain in San Diego, but it is a "dome" compared
to Denali and most of the Alaska range. We drove out on a road/trail that
went along the ridge to where we could see the flats and the White
Mountains. The flats have no roads and are boggy type land. Good for moose
hunting, but impossible to walk. Some people they know actually live there
and use 4 wheelers to get in and out. They stock up for the winter and only
come in to town 3 or 4 times in the winter. Elaine said I would need a
phone with lots of batteries to survive living that isolated. Dave said
atomic batteries might work :)

Do you remember praying for the missionary school that was in danger from
civil unrest in Ivory Coast, last year? Dave and Connie Johnson and their 3
daughters were serving a one year short term mission at the school at the
time. We asked Dave for the full blow by blow account. They said they
could feel the bubble of prayer over their compound as the Lord miraculously
protected them. One guard was killed, but none of the rest were harmed and
they made it to the coast after huddling in the middle of the compound for a
week. French special forces rescued them. There was a former student from
the school in the French Army in the special forces and they sent him!

Connie told us about their time in Senegal when a local pastor took some of
them out to an outlying village. There was a young woman who had been given
to the witch doctor(?) and was so bound up by demons she couldn't even walk.
They prayed for her and she accepted the Lord and was delivered from the
demons. They took her back to the center where she became whole. The Lord
gave her a miraculous gift immediately. She was able to speak and write
French. When she went back to the village for a visit she burned her
fetishes and more people were saved when they saw the transformation in her
life.

The Radiance of God's Glory

He spoke into being the earth's first light,
And breathed life into man by his wondrous might,
But rejecting his Lordship, mankind disobeyed,
In foolish pride, other gods we made.

In His mercy and love, God created a plan
To redeem us from darkness, before time ere began.
The Light of the World, God's only son
Was sent to the earth that our souls might be won.

He reflected God's image that man might know
Their Father in heaven who loves them so.
The light of God's presence illumines our hearts
To understand truth and the grace he imparts.

That someday we'll live in his kingdom of light
Without sun or moon, yet there'll be no more night.
For the radiance of God's glory will shine evermore
His holy perfection we¹ll worship and adore.

Heb 1:3 The Son is the radiance of God's glory,
And the exact representation of his being,
Sustaining all things by His powerful word.

2 Cor 4:6 For God who said, "Let light shine
out of darkness," made his light shine in
our hearts to give us the light of the
knowledge of the glory of God in the
face of Christ.

18 Apr 04 ~ Sunday ~ Elaine
Hi all – hope you've had a great weekend. Bev's night and day were
relatively good – a no nausea morning and a low nausea afternoon. We had fun
last night listening to Robert play his bass with the video of his Friday
concert on the TV – a chance for Bev to enjoy his concert! Bev and my latest
project is finishing up a baby-blanket she has nearly finished. The memory
books for Tim, Jonathan and Robert are all in pretty good shape and "Bev
approved."

I think Sharon is in the process of writing her version of our latest
adventures, but she assures me my version will be different enough that I
should send it, too :)

Yesterday Sharon, Robert and I sat on the top of a mountain by a fire and
drank Saddam tea, heated in a brazier from Africa. This is so unlikely you
know I couldn't have made it up! Tim arranged for the Johnson family to
take us "four-wheeling" on the top of Murphy's "Dome" (Hill/Mountain) which
gave us terrific views. The four wheelers (motorcycle-like "all terrain
vehicles") took us across the snow for a beautiful ride – Sharon drove with
me in the back, and Robert drove with Dave Johnson on the back. Tim had
loaned me "Carhartts" (brand name for a heavy canvass overall that the teens
assure me all Alaskans own) which kept me nice and warm. I didn't have
"bunny boots", something else "all Alaskans own", but Dave had them on and
he showed us how you let air out when in an airplane since they hold air and
the pressure increases – they are white rubber inside and out, with a layer
of felt between, and reputedly keep feet toasty warm in 40 below weather.
The two teen-aged Johnson girls and their two friends have "traveled
Outside" plenty – one friend just came back from seven months in Romania, the
other just returned from a mission trip in Spain, and their mom and sister
are currently in Ethiopia! The Johnson family did a year of service at an
MK boarding school last year. They started out in Ivory Coast and were in
the group that the French rescued from the guerillas (remember in last
year's news?) We got a first hand account of that rather amazing episode (I
think Sharon's version may have more info on this...) They then lived the
rest of the year at an MK boarding school in Senegal. Hence the tea to
which the girls had become addicted. And, yes, it really is named after
Saddam Hussein and is sold throughout the Muslim world! Very delicious and
I drank plenty with no negative effects on my sleep. However, at church
this morning Dave and Connie Johnson reported that they WERE kept awake :)
In conversation about the Ethiopia trip we discovered that Cheryl and
her husband Steve (parents of Robert's friend Curtis who lives about 4 or 5
houses away), spent 4 1/2 years in Ethiopia. Steve's parents were Wycliffe
missionaries here in Alaska and now serve in Russia with a church planting
mission. (Mom, you may have told us this, and I forgot...) Cheryl is the
one who provided us with a full course turkey Easter dinner to heat up.
She's also the one who had been coming over to clean bathrooms (which I
would classify as the modern equivalent of "washing the disciples' feet!")
These are all such NICE people, and they have been so supportive of Tim and
Bev.

17 Apr 04 ~ Saturday ~ Tim
This is a mass email to fill you in on the news about Bev. For some of you
it is a repeat of information and I apologize for that. You may have also
received the email twice if you are on two lists. Again I am sorry.

Bev went into the hospital in the middle of February for what was supposed
to be a 2 hour operation to remove a small piece of her colon. There was
something creating blockage and for a couple of months she had gradually had
a much more difficult time eating. Between October and January her tumor
markers had doubled three times, with the last count at about 190. The
operation was eight hours long, they found cancer had covered many of her
organs, she had a complete hysterectomy, 18 inches off colon were removed.
There were numerous micro tumors around her kidneys and in her stomach,
liver and pancreas. The surgeon told me during the middle of the operation
that it was very bad, that on average people in her condition survive about
three months.

Bev spent a month in the hospital. She didn't get much better so we brought
her home. Sharon, one of Bev's sisters from San Diego was her to help during
that month. Bev's brother, sister-in-law and parents came when Sharon left.
Her brother stayed for one week and her parents for three weeks. Bev spent
much of her time sleeping. We did take her to the oncologist every week.
When Bev' parent's left, her sister Kelly form Arizona came to visit for a
week and when Kelly left Sharon returned and Elaine her other sister came
about ten days ago. We also had to very close friends from Texas come to
visit us for several days.

Two weeks ago we took Bev into the oncologist's office because there was
substantial bleeding and lots of blood clots in her urine. She was at the
doctors for about six hours. At the end of that day the nurse practitioner
asked to speak with me. She said that the cancer was causing the the high
blood sugar and nausea which they couldn't seem to control. She told me that
may patients with advanced terminal cancer did not go on hyperal, a liquid
nutrition she has been on for about six weeks. She said that if Bev were off
the hyperal she would probably die fairly quickly because of the lack of
nutrition and liquids. Bev has not been able to eat much since the operation
and much of what she eats she loses through vomiting. The nurse said the
vomiting was probably caused by the cancer and a tumor pressing against her
abdomen.

Last Saturday, she again had a large number of blood clots and we took her
to the emergency room. They admitted her to hospital and she was there until
this past Thursday. They still have been unable to regulate the blood sugar
and she is still unable to keep food down though she tries. The Monday after
Bev entered the hospital. The oncologist repeated to both Bev and I what the
nurse had told me a week earlier. We prayed about what to do and made the
decision to continue the hyperal and to do the best we can with the blood
sugar levels.

Bev's faith has remained strong. She continues to be an example to us of
one's faith and love for God. We know the cancer will most likely take her
life soon, but she has battled he disease for 13 years. While the chemo she
is currently taking will not cure her it could possibly give her some
extended time. A friend who lost his daughter to cancer told us that God is
good even when life is difficult. We know that to be true. We trust God
whether he chooses to heal her body here or in heaven.

Times when Bev has felt discouraged we have felt God's love through many
prayers, phone calls, cards and flowers. People at the church we have been
attending for only six months have brought food, cleaned the house, visited
and prayed for us. My staff at UAF have also brought food and visited. We
have had friends from Aberdeen, New Orleans and CA. Write and call. Bev has
been used by God in amazing ways and the love you all have shown to her has
been such an encouragement. Thank you.

Bev and I spoke today about what is ahead. It will not be easy for the next
several weeks or until God calls her home. That may be in a few days or a
few weeks. The boys and I feel God's grace and peace. We love Bev very much.
We feel the goal is to remain obedient and faithful whatever God chooses to
do with her life. I am sorry if I have repeated much of what you already
knew. Sharon, Bev's sister will continue to keep you updated and share some
of Bev's poetry and prose with you. If you would prefer not to receive these
up dates let us know.

Note on these notes ~ I'm off to run ABS meetings in SLC and may not
be able to post updates ~ Steve

17 Apr 04 ~ Saturday ~ Elaine
Hi everyone! Hope you are all having a good weekend – we appreciate all the
emails and phone calls.

Bev had a good night after a miserable day with nausea and vomiting
yesterday. (You'll note that I get to report the "good" news this morning
and Sharon got stuck with the "bad" news last night!) Symptoms that seem to
be under control: fever, blood clotting. Symptom that has a good
explanation and can be monitored and managed: variations in blood sugar
(due to the IV nutrition). Symptom not under control: nausea. So pray for
"good days" for Bev on that score.

Kristen wrote dubbing me the "Queen of the Brochures and Guidebooks" (which
I thought my children would appreciate and affirm!) Her queries provoked
the following list of "Alaskaisms" I have run across so far:

"Lower 48" – Continental USA
"Outside" – Anywhere but Alaska
Both of these occur in common everyday conversation. E.g.
Elaine: "Do you think they would have this at the Michael's in San Diego?"
Clerk at Michael's: "Oh I think so – the stores in the lower 48 are stocked
better than ours."
(I'm not sure she's right about this – this is the best Michael's I've ever seen –
I think people are doing a lot of crafts here in the winter!!!)

"Cheechako" – Haven't been here long; the title of a collection of Robert Service
(gold rush era) poems; a native term for "tenderfoot" or "new one"

"Sourdough" – One who has spent at least a year in Alaska. The miners of
the Gold Rush era carried sourdough starter to mix with their flour to make
bread, biscuits, pan cakes, etc.

"Break-up" – The gas station attendant where I took the car for an oil change
was putting up a sign yesterday welcoming spring and congratulating
Fairbanks on getting through another winter (which is highly ironic to
someone from San Diego since there's lots of snow around!) But we're in the
middle of "break-up" while the warmer weather causes the snow to melt, and I
hear this will be followed by: "leaf out, green up, and flower out" within
a short time-frame.

"Dividend" – There's no state sales tax in Alaska (which repeatedly confuses
me – things cost exactly what the amount on the tag or bill says), no state
income tax, and apparently if you don't want to pay property taxes, you just
fill out a form and send it in. Instead of hauling in money, the state
sends each resident money ($900-1200 annually, recently) from the state
trust fund. This fund comes from leases to oil companies and apparently
funds all the public services. An interesting model Schwarznegger might
want to look into :)

"A Land, Sea, and Space Grant Institution" – I have heard of "land grant"
universities for a lot of years – institutions started to support agriculture
and the history of a great many of the state universities. The University
of Alaska takes it further and includes sea and space. They are the only
university to have their own rocket launching area.

16 Apr 04 ~ Friday ~ Sharon | Bev
Today was not as pleasant as the last two. Since Bev had chemo, yesterday,
she threw up a lot. She says that motion bothers her. So, every time she
got up to go to the bathroom--it was too much motion. I have added some of
your names for the first time, today. Bev asked me to add some names to
this "Bev update" email list. There are several of her friends that I don¹t
have email addresses for, so if you know someone who would like this and
didn't get it, you can pass it on. Also, for any of you who have been
catching up by phone occasionally, we came home from the hospital after
being there since Saturday. I've started sharing clips from some of Bev's
writings.
Bev's sister, Sharon (who lives in San Diego)

Twenty-five Years Together [Bev]

Twenty-five years of loving each other
We celebrate with joy today
Every year an adventurous journey
Never a dull moment along the way!
Trusting in God we have been secure while
Youthful plans that we pursued

Fulfilled our hopes beyond our dreams
In ups and downs our love's been renewed.
Valleys of darkness have caused us to grow
Each challenge we faced was met with God's grace

Yesterday's victories have strengthened our love
Ever deeper and richer giving courage to face
An unknown future as we stand strong together
Ready to greet each new day as a gift
Saying, "I love you, now more than ever!"

Bev – To Tim, December 23, 2003

15 Apr 04 ~ Thursday 2 ~ Sharon | Bev
Bev had a great day, yesterday. She didn't throw up until evening and the
pain was under control all day. She even had chemo, today, and came home
from the hospital! It was inconclusive as to what kind of infection she may
have had. Nothing showed up in the urinary track but she obviously feels
better with no high fevers since having IV antibiotics for a few days.

The promise the Lord showed me, today, is Jeremiah 17:7,8 and then I got to
see it played out in Bev's life. She puts her hope in the Lord and trusts
Him and has for many years. Even though this is a "drought" physically, her
life is like a green tree bearing fruit. This is the first day anyone has
asked for "counseling" from her (she is a licensed marriage and family
counselor) and two people did today. Groggy as she was from the pre chemo
drugs she overflowed onto them! Sharon

Bev on trust:

During this time of intense turmoil questioning whether God could be
trusted, we received a call from the director of the Christian camp where we
had once worked, saying he would be at a local camp in California and could
we get together. I was eager to talk with him and ask how he had continued
to trust the God who had allowed his nine year-old daughter to die of
leukemia that fall after several years of battling with the disease. I will
never forget our discussion and the profound impact it had on the deepening
of my faith.

He commented that it seemed I was trying to trust God for the
wrong thing. I wanted to trust God to make everything OK, but was I willing
to trust God no matter what? Could I trust God in the midst of trouble? I
was willing to trust God only if He would guarantee that He wouldn¹t allow
anything awful to happen. Of course I knew there were no such guarantees
and that was the source of my turmoil. He went on to explain that he and
his wife found they could trust God no matter what, that even in the most
difficult times and in the on-going sadness over their loss they had found
God to be completely trustworthy.

He told me a good friend of his summed it up by the phrase,
"Life is tough, but God is good." No matter what our circumstances may be,
God is always good. His friend was the chaplain at Dallas Theological
Seminary who also had been my high school youth pastor. Years later I was at
a women¹s conference where my old youth pastor's wife was the speaker and I
shared with her what perspective that phrase has given me over the years.
She explained that it originated with her mother who had passed it on to her
during a time of family crisis. God had used His truth, spoken through
faithful messengers over the years to reach me in my time of desperate need.

I went away from that conversation with a sense of hope. My
trust in God could sustain me if I was willing to truly trust God, not just
if He kept me healthy, but to believe He would be good even if my life
circumstances were tough. Isn't that what God desires from us above all
else, our utter dependence on Him?

The seed of truth about God's utter trustworthiness began to
grow in me from that point as I began to believe by faith that I could trust
and depend on God no matter what. Something I had known in my head was
planted in my heart that day. Trusting in God did not guarantee being
protected from trouble. It did not mean God would always make my life OK –
it meant God would make me OK, no matter what was going on in my life.

15 Apr 04 ~ Thursday ~ Sharon
I was so tired last night I didn't write much. Peter had his mole removed
and it went well. They took skin around it so it took 3 stitches to close
it up. But they say the Dr cut very little hair so it's not noticeable.
Evidently, the medicine Dave's primary gave him has done little good and he
went back onto inhalers. The good news is the pulmonary specialist had a
cancellation and they can get him in tomorrow.

I haven't heard yet this morning how Bev is doing. She threw up right
before she called to say goodnight and had to go quickly to throw up again.
I assume we are still on target to come home today, but will let you know
when we get here. Sharon

14 Apr 04 ~ Wednesday 3 ~ Sharon | Elaine
We had a great day! Bev didn't throw up all day and the pain stayed under
control all day. She felt perky and interacted with us quite a bit. On a
day like today you feel like this might go on for a while and it would be
great! Tim called to have her say goodnight, and she had just thrown up and
had to go quickly because she felt like it again... Dr. T said she could go
home since her urine turned yellow again after having a blood clot midday.
We asked Dr. C is she could have her chemo there tomorrow before she comes
home. He says we can aim at coming home around noon tomorrow. He said he
wanted to give the chemo before Fri since her counts were up. They will
check again in the morning to be sure. Sharon

Hi everyone from Elaine...
Besides hanging out with Bev and being glad she had a good day, I had a
great "Alaska moment" – on my way to pick up Robert I saw two moose beside a
very major highway, and got out of the car (at a safe distance) to stare at
one who stared right back. I also went to Michael's to buy things for the
book for Jonathan and Robert and think it is probably the northernmost
Michaels that exists :)I have to pass on a few more very Alaskan things –
fairly tall remains of what had been ice sculptures of Mary and Joseph in a
Nativity scene was still up on the roof of the Lutheran church yesterday.
They've taken it down today – April 14th. A sturdy Christmas decoration!
Meanwhile, I'm either wearing wool or long silk underwear to manage the
20-40 degree weather, but the local teens are in thin t-shirts and some girls
are wearing flip-flops and even shorts.But my favorite Alaskan thing right
now is the duct tape. Sharon told us yesterday that a man talked her ear
off from Anchorage to Seattle and included the useful information that
one can survive in the arctic wilderness with a candle and duct tape.
(She can give you the details on how to do this...) Tim added that it is
known as "one hundred mile an hour tape" since an airplane repaired with
duct-tape can fly that speed. In one of the "Welcome to Fairbanks"
magazines they mention how popular and plentiful and useful duct tape
is for repairing just about anything: ripped parkas, canoes, kayaks,
snowmobile cowling... Plus it can remove sled dog hair from your clothes.
Bev told me that "Red, Green" (a very amusing TV show about woodsy
people) holds an annual competition here in Fairbanks where people make
rafts and float them down the river. I've concluded the perhaps there was
an Alaskan in the Department of Homeland Security who recommended
duct tape as emergency gear, and is responsible for mystifying the rest of us!
Jonathan left for "the most beautiful town in the world," Homer, with about
15 others for a Marine Biology trip. Robert will have two days at UAF
practicing and performing in his jazz band – we'll go to the Friday 2 p.m.
Concert. Tim, Sharon, Robert and I enjoyed a meal at "The Cookie Jar" (same
restaurant of choice as last Saturday) and then Tim has gone to spend the
night at the hospital. Today I finished Bev's "Jesus is the Reason for the
Season" cross-stitch (for the front of the album with the Christmas poems) –
this pleased her. Sharon gave a really nice gift to Bev when she came –
a small cross that has this verse on it: Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will fulfill his
purpose for me: your love, O Lord, endures forever." It's a great verse for all of us to
hold on to, but it's special for Bev since it's hardly clear precisely what
the purpose of all of this is. However, I have to say that peace and
patience are being noticed – two of the pastors came over this morning and a
student had commented to one of them how impressed there were with how Tim
is handling Bev's illness, his work, etc. etc. The wife of one of his
co-workers who is not a Christian is asking about the peace she sees. And
there really is peace – we're making the most of the time we're spending with
Bev, keeping a hopeful and realistic view.

14 Apr 04 ~ Wednesday ~ Sharon / Elaine
Dear Family,
I went into the group list for Family and added Kristen, Aunt Ellen and Carl
and Arlene, so you don't need to forward. Thanks for praying for Bev so
much!
I spent the night with her, last night. Dr. Carroll came in at 6:30 and
woke us up. The nurses wouldn't leave us alone until midnight. I agree
with Dr. Carroll that no one gets any points for a day spent in the
hospital! He said that the results of the cystegram showed a thickening at
the top of the bladder, but no collection of blood clots obstructing the
flow of things. They will do a scope procedure today or tomorrow to take a
better look. Timing is up to Dr. Taylor and so going home will be dependent
on getting that done. The radiologist explained that they shot dye into the
bladder and the kidney and took x-rays and it showed no leaks in the system
and that everything was flowing smoothly. Dr. Taylor said, yesterday that
if the cancer had broken the barrier, you would expect to see more blood not
a lessening of it. Dr. Carroll asked if there was anything he could do for
Bev. She complained of nausea and pain. He said that she is getting all of
the nausea meds and if it is due to the cancer, there isn't anything they
can do. She said if she stays ahead of the pain, it seems to help with the
nausea. I told him that she was asking for pain meds before the time was
up. He said he would ok for them to give it sooner. There is more they can
give for pain as she needs it.
Peter, my 12 year old is getting a mole removed from the back of his head,
today. Sharon

Elaine: Attached are the drafts of Bev's manuscripts, which she said it is fine to
send to all of you. "Journey" is the story of her illness when 18 and
different bouts with cancer, and what she has learned about trusting God
through that. "Treasures" is the "Treasures from a Mother's Heart" that she
has been writing for Jonathan and Robert. Editorial suggestions are welcome
since "Journey," in particular, came from a series of handwritten notes or
talks she gave.
My understanding, Chris, is that you wanted to do something
special with the Christmas poems. Bev has an album that she wants us to put
everything into. Today we're going to look at the pictures, and we'll try
to send the scanned pics soon. Elaine

13 Apr 04 ~ Tuesday ~ Elaine
Bev had a less painful and fever-free night and a relatively energetic day.
They did a test to see if there is "an-infection-which-is-clearing-up" (Dr.
Taylor) or a "tumor-which-is-growing-and-creating-havoc" (Dr. Carroll). The
test was inconclusive, showing that a lot of things are working quite
normally as they should. So another test will be done as soon as it can be
scheduled.

Sunday evening Bev played cribbage with the boys and seemed to enjoy
herself. Monday evening after our outing to Chena Hot Springs she clearly
forced herself to play out of her strong will to interact with the boys.
This evening after Robert got out of school she played and had fun.
Jonathan is to leave tomorrow for a Marine biology trip that will take him
to Homer (south of Anchorage) until Sunday evening. Robert has a jazz
competition to be held at the University all day Thursday and Friday. The
boys are great and seem to handle the roller-coaster of their mom's health
quite sensitively, but not losing it themselves. Robert was fussing about
not wanting his hair cut, but allowed Sharon to cut it last night (for the
reward of a trip to Taco Bell :)My Alaska wildlife viewing so far:
1) Musk oxen at the farm ("shared the tundra with wooly mammoths and
saber-toothed cats in the Pleistocene era...")
2) Reindeer (at the UAF farm) with two adorable babies
3) Moose on the road to Chena Hot Springs

Sharon and I checked out downtown for lunch today and went by an art
gallery. I gathered a lot of booklets from the Info Center so will work on
a list of other such short excursions to try!
Elaine

13 Apr 04 ~ Tuesday ~ Sharon
Today, the Lord "led us by still waters." The oncologist had a very frank
discussion with Tim and Bev this morning saying that he doesn't think her
symptoms are due to an infection, but the cancer. (Tomorrow the urologist
plans to do a test and will probably give us another opinion...) Elaine,
Bev and I sat around discussing what he had said. Afterwards, I told Elaine
that it is surreal to be discussing such things so calmly. She said it is
because we all really do believe. Then we took the boys out to Chena Hot
Springs, had lunch and soaked in the warm/hot water looking up at the snow
covered hills overlooking the rock pool.
Sharon

This is from some of Bev's writings:

Rejoicing in Hope"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

When our circumstances are difficult we can easily question how we are
supposed to be rejoicing in the Lord. But even in those times when we feel
overwhelmed by the challenges of our circumstances, in the Lord there is
much to rejoice about. We can rejoice because of who God is, because He
chose me, because He loves me, because He is preparing a place for me,
because strength and comfort come from the Spirit of God in me. Finally,
even concerning my circumstances, I can have an attitude of "rejoicing in
hope" as Paul describes in Romans 12:12. Because of my hope in heaven and
eternal life in the presence of God, I can have hope that someday my
circumstances will be better, maybe not here on this earth, but without a
shadow of a doubt someday life will be as perfect as God intended. In a
time of waiting for Tim's job to work out, I wrote in my journal, "I can
rejoice now because of my hope my confidence that God will bring victory and
will be true to His promise of giving blessing to those who truly seek Him
and trust Him. It's been a very encouraging perspective and has given me the
strength to go on." [Bev]

12 Apr 04 ~ Monday ~ Sharon
Tim just called and said he was there when Dr. Carroll (oncologist) came in
this morning. He laid it on the line for Bev not quite as bluntly as his
nurse, Nancy, had for Tim, but with the same message. He does not think
this is an infection, but that the tumors have broken through the barrier of
the bladder and no amount of antibiotics will help. He told Bev that most
people at her stage do not accept the Hyperal to begin with and that is what
is keeping her alive. Dr. C asked if she would like to go to Denali Center
which is a hospice type place connected to the hospital. Systems shutting
down can be messy. Tim still wants her to come home and die at home. She
wanted Carroll to check out if her insurance covers Denali Center. However,
it would take two weeks for the paperwork and I don't think we have two
weeks so I expect we will be bringing her home tomorrow or even tonight.
Dr. Taylor (urologist) is supposed to come this afternoon and do a scope in
there to see what is happening.
Sharon

11 Apr 04 ~ Easter Sunday ~ Elaine
Happy Easter everyone – I'm grateful to have had an Easter with Bev, though
it had to be in the form of two visits to the hospital! She was doing
terrific Wednesday night when we had a chance to go out and see the northern
lights. I hadn't realized that some people have been here many years and
not seen them, nor that it is most common to see the soft green streaks
against the sky. We got a great show! It started out green and then turned
to pinks and movement across the sky – it was the first time Tim had seen
that and the second time Bev had. We were all quite impressed.

Then Saturday morning we all (Bev included, who was feeling good) drove out
about 5 miles to get a great view of Denali which is 120 miles south of
here. Very beautiful! Guidebook explanation: "Alaskan Indians called it
Denali, 'The Great One.' In later years, the mountain was officially
designated Mount McKinley by the US Government but Denali is the name still
used by Natives and locals. It is the most spectacular mountain in North
America. At 20,320ft (6,195 meters), it is also the highest. It could be
called the highest in the world: the north face of Denali rises almost
18,00ft above its base, an elevation gain which surpasses even Mount
Everest." For some of you this isn't news, and for others it's more than
you wanted to know, but hopefully it is interesting to someone!Saturday
afternoon at 3 p.m. Tim and Sharon took Bev to the emergency room
(for a 7 hour wait before they got her in...) and the antibiotics they've
put her on seem to be doing some good for the blood clots that provoked
going to the hospital. Meanwhile the boys and I handled not knowing what
was going on by 1) taking the dogs for a long walk, 2) watching the musk
oxen down the road, 3) going out to supper at a nice restaurant, 4) renting
a movie and watching it, and 5) coloring Easter eggs.Today we went to
church for a nice Easter service. I have been so impressed
by how very loving so many of the people at church and from Tim's work have
been – visiting, bringing food, bringing flowers, taking the boys places,
having one-on-one time with Tim, etc. etc. I've met truly good people who
are loving and kind and showing it in simple, humble, but very meaningful
ways. After church we visited Bev. Then at home we cooked the turkey and
heated all the special food that one of the kind women from church had
brought – had an elegant Easter dinner. Then more time at the hospital with
Bev. On each of these visits there were other friends who came by.
Progress is being made on typing up Bev's papers – I am so touched and
impressed with the things she has written about what she has learned through
her illnesses. Today I found papers she had written when she was 18 and
came out of the coma – I'd never read them and they are extremely touching.
I'm very inspired by her wisdom and her faith. She really is a remarkable
and loving person, and God has used even her illnesses to bless others. And
He's shown His power by healing her at least four times.Tomorrow the boys,
Sharon and I are going to Chena Hot Springs – we'll stop
by the hospital on our way, perhaps on our way back as well. But the
excursion should be good entertainment for us all and it's a nice way for
them to spend their day off from school.

I realize I don't look too great myself, but Tim and I got a good laugh out
of Elaine last night. We tried, but didn't see any lights.
Bev's Dr. came by as we were leaving. Her fever is down, her kidney isn't
as tender, she isn't throwing up and she looks a whole lot better. She is
asking for more pain medication.Cheryl brought everything for a turkey dinner,
so I should go help.

HOPE ~ Sharon

As ugly as the end of winter and death are, both hold the promise of new
life. Bev has asked that when she does go HOME, we celebrate Jesus' life,
her life in Him and go out and celebrate our lives. Why wait?

"For as the rain comes down and the snow from heaven, and do not return
there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, That it may
give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes
forth from My mouth: It shall not return to Me void, But, it shall
accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent
it." Isa. 55:10,11

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that
you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Rom. 15:13

"For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring
with Him those who sleep in Jesus... For the Lord Himself will descend from
heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of
God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and
remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord
in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord." I Thes. 4:14,16,17

I had been thinking about how ugly "break-up" is. The snow is melting so
quickly and what is left looks black and dirty. There is trash on the
ground that had been covered up by snow. Dying is ugly. Bev is throwing up
and nauseous a lot. She is sleeping a lot and doesn't feel like eating.
Her sleep isn't always restful. She jerks a lot. Her pain is increasing
and she has fevers and chills. I tried to force my thoughts onto "Whatever
is lovely..." I just couldn't. Tim came bounding down the stairs, last
night, and threw our light on. My heart was pounding thinking the worst.
"The Northern Lights are out!" We (Tim, Elaine and Sharon) quickly bundled
up and discussed whether or not to wake Bev up. We all decided she would
want to see them. It was the most fantastic display! We even saw orange
and red on the edges of the green and they were dancing!
Tonight, in the ER Tim read Psalm 19. With the memory of last night we
(Tim, Bev and Sharon) were all able to picture a whisper of "the glory of
God" and allow our hearts to become settled again in His sovereignty and
love. Bev has a kidney infection. The hospitalist Dr. thinks it may be a
localized infection which a few days on IV antibiotics would help. He
promised that if it isn't helping in a few days that we could discuss our
options again and bring her home one way or the other so she agreed to stay.

Having both Elaine and I here at the same time is a blessing. She went for
a walk with the boys, took them out to dinner, rented a movie and dyed eggs.

Sharon just called to let us know that the ER doctor feels it would be wise for
Bev to have two or three days of IV antibiotic so they can test to be sure
they've got the right one going. After that Bev will be released to go home again.
While we were still in Fairbanks they had been given the impression that if Bev
went into the hospital she would have to stay, so being told by the ER doctor that
her stay would be only until they can figure out about antibiotic is good news.

We just came home and found a message on our answering machine saying that
Bev had had to go into the ER about an hour ago. She's passing blood clots again
like she did on Tuesday but is not nauseated and vomiting like she was then.
When Kelly called earlier this afternoon she was told that Bev felt really good
yesterday, so Tim took her for a drive to see the mountains – the Alaska Range
and Denali (Mt McKinley) are visible from a road near their home – and in the evening
she went with the rest to see the northern lights which were very active with colors other
than just green.

Dear family,

It was quite a treat to get messages from both Elaine and Sharon! I am so
encouraged that Bev is doing so much better. As I was thinking about Bev yesterday,
I thought that she has all the fruits of the Spirit. I told her that last night and she said
that was really encouraging to her.

It was hard to leave, but it was SO MUCH easier knowing that Elaine and Sharon were
there! I think they are a great combination, Elaine tidying up and Sharon doing the medical
stuff. Sharon, I do hope you know that I tease you about being bossy just because I am
insanely jealous of your organizational skills!!!! :)

Yesterday we went to the zoo and to the park with Kactus Kids. It was a beautiful day and
nice to be outside. Which reminds me – Bev really enjoyed the day we went out to the back
porch. Has she done that again? She really liked being outside.

Sharon, did you ask Tim about the undeveloped pictures?

That would be nice if you were able to be touristy on Monday with Jonathan and Robert.
I am glad they are doing some things with friends, etc.

Chuck, you might appreciate this story more than anyone. When I left Seattle, we were
on the runway, next in line for takeoff when the Captain came on and said, "This is one of
the most embarrassing moments of my life. We are carrying emergency oxygen back to
Tucson and don't have the paperwork for it. FAA requires paperwork for all hazardous
materials, so we have to return to the gate and have them look at the oxygen and get the
paperwork. Don't leave the airplane, but feel free to move about the cabin." It took about
1/2 hour, but with the tailwind we were only 15 minutes or so late in arriving in Tucson.

I hope that all continues to go so well with Bev. Tell her we all love her and are praying for
her and the rest of you too.

Love, Kelly

Hi all! I'm very grateful I came, very grateful that Sharon came too, and
very grateful that Bev has been doing relatively well since we arrived!
Journey was more pleasant since Sharon and I could talk and do things during
the layovers. Getting to see Kelly here was terrific and we had a fun
evening together talking with Bev and one another, watching the Barnett
boys' goofy videos, and the equally goofy videos from the Daly children.
Thursday Bev did reasonably well (one throwing up episode and some fever in
the night)--she ate breakfast and supper at the table and in the evening we
played Yatzee with Robert (since Jonathan was out with his youth group).
Today she went to get chemo but couldn't because some of her blood counts
were too low. Two of her church friends came by in the afternoon and we had
a double-feature video and pizza night ("Cheaper by the Dozen" and "Trains,
Planes and Automobiles" – both very funny Steve Martin movies – if you haven't
seen CBTD I think everyone would enjoy it!). Compared to Tuesday Bev is
doing really well and is alert and stronger than I expected. Sharon is
quite a terrific nurse (who says she actually enjoys figuring out which of
the 20 or so medicines to give, monitoring blood sugar and giving insulin
shots, and giving Bev the nutrition IV). So far my contribution has been to
tidy up the house :)Today I went to U of Alaska while Bev and Sharon were at
chemo, and I really enjoyed seeing the Museum and then going over and seeing
Tim's office and meeting some of his co-workers.Your write-up about Bev is
very nice, Mom, and I'm sure that Tim can add in a lot of the missing information.
Kelly had typed up some of Bev's poems, so I'm going to make sure that project
is complete and also start working on editing the book that Bev has been writing
for her boys for a number of years. A friend from Tim's work scanned all kinds
of pictures so we need to work on putting them in a good order.
Sharon and I are talking about taking Jonathan and Robert somewhere on
Monday which will be a tourist expedition for us as well – we'll see how well
Bev is doing and then decide if that is a good idea or not.
So far I haven't stayed up late enough to see the northern lights, but I
don't intend to miss them! I have skimmed several guide-books on Alaska, so
am quite amazed and enthusiastic about the uniqueness and hugeness of it!
Fairbanks has a charming history and seems like a terrific place in a lot of
ways. I really like the Barnett's house and can see a lot of the
attractions for living here.

Much love to you all – Happy Easter in case I don't manage another email
before then!